#54 当单身不再可耻…… Being single is not shameful anymore

Podcast Transcript

大家好,欢迎回来MaoMi Chinese,一个有趣又有用的中文学习资源站。

最近我看到一篇新闻:中国政府发布,2021年中国出生人口数再次下降,只有一千零六十二万(1062万)人,和去年相比,下降了138万人。总人口里,男性比女性多了三千多万人。

在中国互联网上,网友们正在讨论这件事情,一些评论也很有趣,我们一起来读一读:

有人说:“很多女孩子单身只是单纯不想嫁,自己一个人可以过得很好。”有人抱怨:“打工人自己能活下去就很难了,还想养孩子?”有人在讽刺:“居然还有这么多新增人口,看来房价还不够高啊!”他的意思是,现在房价已经很高了,年轻人都买不起房子,也不愿意结婚和生孩子,他没有想到居然还有人愿意生孩子。也有人问:“男性比女性多这么多,为什么我身边还有这么多‘剩女’呢?”

这个网友提到了一个词:“剩女”。意思是“被剩下的女人”,单身的,没谈恋爱,没结婚的女人。刚开始“剩女”是非常糟糕的一个词,一点儿都不尊重女性。好像女性是商品,没有人去买,就被剩下了。在中国的传统观念里,女人一定要结婚,不然就是不完整的。但是现在很多人都觉得这个观念过时了。现在也有很多单身的男性,他们也被叫“剩男”。现在“剩男”“剩女”已经是很普通的词语,意思是单身的男性和女性。那么,今天我们就来聊一聊“单身”这个话题。在中国,单身人们是怎么想的呢?他们为什么单身呢?

第一个问题,为什么在中国会有这么多单身的男性?我认为,这和“重男轻女”的传统观念有关。在以前的播客里,我们说过“重男轻女”这个词,意思是很多父母认为,男孩比女孩重要。这个观念在中国的农村依然很流行,所以很多家庭要生男孩子,如果是女孩子,父母可能会去堕胎。所以呢,在现在中国的农村,男人比女人更多,而且很多女人都离开农村,去城市工作了,因为在城市里,男女更加平等。更多的男性会留在农村,因为他们要照顾父母。所以,现在农村里的很多男性都找不到对象,他们不得不单身。

第二个问题,为什么男性比女性多,但是依然有很多单身的女性呢?其实,只有在中国的城市里,才会有更多的单身女性。她们中的很多人有过高等教育,很多人也认为,自己的发展比结婚生孩子更重要。所以她们不想结婚,也不想生孩子,因为自己一个人更舒服,更自由。在城市里,也有很多男性选择单身,同样也是因为觉得结婚生孩子很麻烦,(see episode#42 No money, no marriage? How much does it cost to get married in China? 没钱就不能结婚?)自己一个人更舒服。年轻人都不愿意结婚生孩子了,所以政府一直在鼓励生育。

第三个问题,单身的中国年轻人是怎么想的呢?我采访了一些朋友,我们一起来听一听吧!

“就目前来说的话,我还挺喜欢单身的状态的,因为我刚刚工作,想把生活的重心放在工作上,同时呢,也想在非工作的时间专注于提高自己,嗯,可以做一些自己喜欢的事情。和不是单身的时候比较的话,我觉得嗯,如果有了另一半,我会花更多的时间在他的身上,嗯,可能有一点恋爱脑的感觉,但是现在一个人的话,我自己赚的钱自己花,然后自己的时间随意支配,不用考虑到其他人的想法,所以我觉得,嗯,我现在感觉单身挺好的。”

这个朋友说,她挺喜欢单身的状态,因为她可以更专注提高自己。她说她谈恋爱的时候有一点“恋爱脑”,意思是她觉得她的伴侣很重要,会花在她的伴侣身上花很多时间,也太在意伴侣的感受,但是现在单身,她可以做自己喜欢的事情,也不用考虑其他人怎么想,更自由了。

“我更喜欢单身时候的自己。因为,因为我有大把的时间和精力留给自己,可以用来好好地照顾自己,好好地关照自己,好好地了解自己,认识自己,然后去,嗯,就是很自由,非常自由,这是各种程度,各种意义上的自由。”

这个朋友说,单身的时候他可以更好地照顾自己,他也觉得非常自由。

其实,单身或者不单身,都是人生的选择。我也非常高兴看见中国社会对待这个问题更加宽容了,很多年轻人也有能力做自己的选择了。

Hello everyone. Welcome back to MaoMi Chinese, fun and practical Chinese learning resources station.

Recently I read some news. The Chinese government announced that the newly-born population decreased again in 2021. It is only 10.62 million, which is 1.38 million less compared to last year. In the total population, men are over 30 million more than women.

On the Chinese Internet, those net users are discussing this issue and some comments are very interesting. Let’s have a read:

Someone said, “Lots of girls are single but it’s only because they don’t want to get married. They are very happy by themselves.” Someone complained, “We working tend to feel that it’s already difficult enough to survive alone, let alone raising a baby?” Someone is being sarcastic, “Surprisingly there are so many newly-borns. Seems like the prices of houses are not high enough!” What he means is that the prices of houses are already very high and young people can’t afford them. They won’t be happy to get married and have babies either. He didn’t expect that there are still some people who would like to have babies. Some people asked, “If men are so much more than women, why are there still so many ‘left-over’ ladies? ”

This guy mentioned the word ‘left-over ladies’, which means women who are left over, who are single, not in a relationship, not married. Firstly, this is a really horrible word and did not show respect to women at all. It makes it seem like women are goods and no one wants to buy them and they are leftover. In a traditional Chinese idea, women have to get married, else they are incomplete, but now many people think it’s outdated. Nowadays there are also many men who are single, and are called ‘left-over men’. Now ‘left-over men’ ’left-over women’ are some kinds of common vocab, which mean men and women who are single. So today let’s talk about ‘being single’. In China, what do those people who are single think? Why are they single?

The first question is why there are so many single men? In my opinion, this is related to the traditional idea of ‘boys are more important and girls are not’. In the previous podcast, we talked about this word, which means that many parents think that boys are more important than girls. This idea is still very popular in the Chinese countryside, and therefore many families want to have baby boys. If it’s a girl, parents might have an abortion. Nowadays in the Chinese countryside, there are more men than women, and lots of women are left to work in cities because women are more equal to men there. More men would stay in the countryside because they have to look after their parents. In the countryside, many men can’t find a partner and they have to be single.

The second question is why are there still so many single women even though there are more men than women? In fact, this can only be seen in Chinese cities. Most of these women have had higher education and many of them think that their personal development is more important than getting married and having babies. They don’t want to get married or have babies, because living alone is more comfortable and gives them more freedom. In cities, there are also many men who choose to be single, and it’s also because they think that getting married and having babies is big trouble, (see episode#42 No money, no marriage? How much does it cost to get married in China? 没钱就不能结婚?) and being alone is more comfortable. Young people would not like to get married and have babies, therefore the government has been encouraging childbirth.

The third question is what do those single Chinese people think? I interviewed a few of my friends, and let’s listen to what they said!

“Regarding my current situation I quite like being single, because I just started my job and would like to put the focus of life on my work. Meanwhile, I also want to focus on self-development in my non-working time, and I can do more things that I like. Compare to the time when I was not single, I feel like that… if I had a partner, I would spend more time on him. Well, it’s a bit like, I would be silly in love. But now because I am alone, I can spend the money I make and spend my own spare time without worrying about other people’s ideas. Therefore, I think that it’s pretty good to be single.”

She said that she quite like being single because she can focus more on self-development. She said that when she was in a relationship, she was a bit silly in love, which means that she thought that her partner was very important and she spent lots of time on her partner, and care too much about what her partner thought. But now she is single, so she can do whatever she likes and doesn’t need to care what other people think. She feels it’s freer now.

“I like myself when I am single because I can leave lots of time and energy to myself, to look after myself, take care of myself, understand and recognise myself. Well, it’s very free, really free to whatever extent and in every sense.”

He said that when he’s single he has more time to look after himself, and he also feels it’s very free.

In fact, no matter if you are single or not, it is a choice of life. I am very happy to see that Chinese society is more and more open to this topic, and lots of young people are able to make their own choice.

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